Tsunami of the Self

tsunami  (ts-näm): a very large ocean wave that is caused by an underwater earthquake or volcanic eruption and often causes extreme destruction when it strikes land.

Hearts and minds the world over continue to offer prayer and financial support to our Japanese brothers and sisters. Those of us outside Japan cannot imagine the experiences they've had, and will continue to deal with for years as a result of the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami.

We do know, intimately, our own emotional tsunamis. A traumatic life experience can send us reeling out of control. Some of us even react by destroying the people and things in our path. Take, for example, a romantic breakup. Falling in love can be the emotional high of a lifetime. Losing love can be a most devastating emotional experience. Remember your first (or even most recent) lost love, and the tear it ripped in your heart? People become depressed over breakups; sometimes even committing suicide, homicide or crimes against people and property.

The power of emotion is analogous to the power of a tsunami. Life changing. All consuming. Completely devastating. An interior eruption that often causes extreme destruction when it strikes. A recent study led by Ethan Kross, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, found that the experience of social rejection, such as a romantic breakup, activates the same parts of the brain involved in sensing physical pain. Social and physical pain share a common neurocircuitry and involve a highly specific pattern of brain activation, giving new meaning to the idea that rejection hurts.

The difference between an ocean tsunami and an emotional tsunami is that we have control over how we respond to our emotions and can prevent a tsunami. That's a huge difference. A lifesaving difference.

We shouldn't wait for an emotional earthquake to hit in order to disaster-proof our lives. We can work on building resilience so that when, not if, emotional disaster strikes, we're prepared to ride the wave until the storm calms.

First Things First

Life can get overwhelming. If we're not taking one thing at a time we could easily get discouraged. Of course, the tough part can become...which thing first?

As a life coach, I get this question a lot and always respond with, "For your information, let me ask you a question." (Louis B. Mayer).
Yes. A question for a question.

It might go something like this.

(client) "I'm not sure what to focus on first; my lyrics or my music."
(coach) "If you knew...what would you say?"
(client) "I don't know! That's why I'm here!"
(coach) "What's your best guess? You can be wrong...but if you did know, what would you say?"

I have yet, in all my years of coaching, to stump a client. Whatever they say, we go with it and keep peeling away layers until they know what they know.

Point being...we do know what's best for us. We are the experts on our life. We may need some support in defining choices, but once we're clear on the options we know the direction that's right for us. Intuitively, almost magically, it's there for our discovery. The next step is to honor it; acknowledge, validate and act on it. That may be another question.