Balancing: Work and Life

I recently coached a client (let's call her Barbara) around work/life balance issues. She talked about the elusive challenge of balancing the energies she spends parenting, owning a business and being married. My first coaching question was, "What would your life look like if you did have work/life balance?"

After much contemplation and conversation, she came to the same conclusion that so many others before her have. Achieving sustained equality in balancing work and life is a misnomer. Improvement, yes. Perfection, no. Realizing that her expectations were setting her up for disappointment, our focus shifted towards defining a more realistic picture of what improved balance would look like. Barbara described a world of having more time to spend with family, building her business without feeling "stressed" and enjoying time for hobbies and recreation. Family time was tops on her list.

For Barbara, the solution boiled down to improving personal boundaries. She started scheduling family dates. She also discovered that she needed to stop doing some things, such as watching certain TV shows, in order to start freeing up energy and time. She began to actively honor what she truly valued...family time!

Barbara realized that what she'd done over the years was to take on tasks, responsibilities, habits and commitments while neglecting to let something else, with a lower priority, go. For Barbara, clarifying and honoring boundaries became the key to improving work/life balance.

Webster's Dictionary defines boundaries as "anything marking a limit." That's what Barbara really needed; to limit those things that were interfering with the achievement of her goals. The work we're doing can be easily summarized;

• Define what is most important and disregard what others say or imply about your priorities.
• Identify those things you need to stop doing and, of equal importance, those things you need to start doing to honor your priorities.
• Remind yourself that it really is okay to say "no" to activities you are not passionate about and to spending time with people you do not enjoy.

It really is okay.

Barbara worried about hurting other people's feelings and this has become a challenge we're currently working on. With each step she takes toward honoring her values, by practicing the discipline of changing habits and the art of saying "no," she's achieving more balance. More peace.

How To Find Motivation!

Mo·ti·vate: to give a reason for doing something.

It’s official. I no longer believe in the concept of lack of motivation. By definition, a person has motivation if they have a reason for doing something. Therefore, if one has a reason, they have motivation. How then can a person lack motivation? They can't! What they can lack is a realistic goal, or a workable plan to achieve their goal.

To combat this fallacy...when it seems like motivation is evading you, use these three words to ask yourself three very important questions.

When. Why. What. 

1. "When did it begin?"

Be a detective. Yup. Very, very carefully search for when you began to struggle with motivation. Was it before you even started (procrastination)? Was it mid-stream (losing focus)? Was it in choosing a task easier than you'd intended (avoiding a challenge)?

2. "Why do I struggle with motivation?"

Feeling unmotivated isn't, and I repeat, isn't a lack of intention. It results from being confused about why the push isn't there. You must give yourself only honest, realistic appraisals at this point. For example, if you're losing steam half-way through a music practice session it could be that you're tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or irritated, or cold, or hot, or preoccupied for some other reason. It's crucial to identify what lies beneath the surface. You can then implement the greatest strategy toward exciting motivation. Honest self-talk. The language of truth.

3. "What can I do about it?"

Once you know when and why, you can move onto what, and design a realistic, workable plan for change. Because you're tending to the root cause now, guilt and negative self-talk are not part of the equation. What does matter is being real about what needs to change, making a sound plan and taking action!

So, the next time you find yourself thinking, "I don't feel motivated," immediately switch the script, put on your detective hat and figure out why. Settling for the belief that you're unmotivated is self-defeating. What's likely is that you're unaware of what's actually fueling your lack of desire. Once you identify and deal with that, the motivation will spring forth and you'll do what you need to do!